I can remember a different time growing up when you could buy a few things for a penny. My brother, sister and I use to spend a lot of time with our grandmother, especially when our parents would go out of town. Sometimes my grandmother would send the two of them down to a local “mom & pop” market to get her groceries. They would always come back with some candy that would only cost a penny a piece. My favorite were those little wax bottles filled with flavored sugar water. The bottles looked like Coca Cola bottles and would come in a tiny six-pack carton.
Those days are long gone and indeed, you may not be able to buy anything for a penny anymore.
But penny's have come to find a different purpose in the lives of my family and I. And that is why I decided to write this story.
About seven years ago my mother was diagnosed with a severe form of dementia. Most senior citizens who suffer with this form of disease are usually diagnosed with Alzheimer's, a common form of dementia characterized by memory loss, confusion, emotional instability and eventually...a loss of mental and physical abilities. One Neurologist said that mom had a more severe case of dementia that was different than the characteristics of Alzheimer's.
It was in the summer of 2004 that we were finally forced to place mom in a nursing home. She did not want to go and we did not want to take her there but it seemed we really had no choice. She needed more care and by trained personnel. It isn't easy being a caregiver to someone with this disease and it is even more difficult for a family member. It was really hard on my family and I to care for her. Not physically, but emotionally and yes, sometimes even spiritually. You are forced to watch...before your very eyes...someone who raised you, cared for you as a child, help mend some broken hearts as you grew up and then even share some special times together with your spouse when you are an adult,...to begin fading away before your very eyes. The disease robs you of that person who you have always loved, gone too for help in growing and for advise as an adult.
Alzheimers has been called “the long good by.” A person suffering with this disease can linger for many years all the while not knowing or recognizing even the closest relative or a spouse. I choose to call the illness a “mean disease.” It can claim many victims, not just the person who suffers with it. It took it's toll on me, my brother and sister, and my mom's grandchildren. Even some of mom's closest friends expressed deep sadness by her illness. Slowly, the illness began to taken my mom away from us while seemingly leaving her body in tact.
I worked as a News Director for a local radio station which required that I be at work at 5am every morning during the weekday. After work I would go home and take a nap and then go to the nursing home to visit my mom and help feed her. One of the effects the disease had on my mom was that she was unable to use her hands to do some of the most simple things such as feed herself. So, either my sister, brother, some of her grandchildren, her son-in-law or I would always try to be at the nursing home for at least one of her meals to help feed her.
I will never forget a couple of my visits. One was on a Sunday morning near the lunch hour. I went to the nursing home so my sister and brother and their family could attend church together or spend the day together. The nurses always encouraged mom to go out to the dinning room to have her meals. There were many times she did not want to but we always tried to get her to go. Looking back I don't know if her objection was due to the disease or if mom just did not want to see the other patients. In other words, I don't think she wanted to be reminded of where she was or see the problems the others had. A nursing home is a very sad place to say the least.
There were times mom seemed more “in” the disease than others. On this particular Sunday, mom was setting in the dining room when I arrived. While she was eating she seemed deep in thought. I said, “what are you thinking about mom?” She replied, “What day is this?” I told her it was Sunday. Still in deep thought she paused and then asked what time it was. I told her it was 11:30. Another pause and then a rather stern question, “Shouldn't you be in Church?” I still smile when I think about that. I told her that I was there so the rest of the family could go to church. That my place that morning was to join her on Sunday, trying to make it sound as if we also were in church.
Another visit is one that still comes back to me from time to time, and at times when I least expect it. It involves a penny. The very center of this story.
One day I arrived at the nursing home early so I could make sure mom's TV was on “Wheel of Fortune,” one of her favorite TV programs. While waiting for the show I began to notice that mom was more herself and not so much “in” the Alzheimers as I use to say. It was early October and mom and I were having a normal conversation. That day I asked mom a question that seemed to come from nowhere. To this day I still sometimes ask myself why I asked mom this question. She was laying down and I was sitting by her bedside. Just before the show came on I said, “Mom, I have a favor to ask you. Now, your doing just fine and no one has ever said your going to die. But mom, when that time comes, and if it is alright with God, will you send me a sign that your in heaven and that everything is O.K?”
What?? I could not believe what I had just asked. Having been a seasoned Christian and a student of the bible, saved when I was a teenager, I could not believe I had just made that request. After all, I thought, a Christian is to live by faith. Was it faithful to make such a request, I thought? My moms answer however, was quick and to the point. “I'll send you a penny.” Huh...a...penny? I thought to myself. Still thinking that I probably should ask God to forgive me for asking such a question, I mean, after all, why wouldn't everything be OK in Heaven, I thought? But as I was trying to reason with myself for asking the question, I stopped abruptly and asked my mom what she just said. “What, a penny....Mom...did you just say you would send me a penny?” Well, I have prayed for many things in my life, some of them in a selfish manner. (No, God is not going to give me or you the winning lottery numbers, the Red Corvette I have always wanted,...etc.) But I have never asked for a penny. “A penny? Why a penny, mom?” I said. She replied that she and my dad liked to dance to the song “Pennies from Heaven”(Burke-Johnston, 1936) made famous by Bing Crosby. My parents would frequently travel to a place in Henderson that was called "The Trocadero" which would feature big band mucic, dining and dancing. I said, “O.K. Mom, you send me a penny from heaven.” It got quite after that. I was deep in thought while mom watched her show.
I can remember growing up as a little boy in the mid to late 60's as my mom and dad would want to watch the Lawrence Welk Show. They would be dancing arm-in-arm in the living room on Saturday nights while Welk and his orchestra played their big-band tunes. My sister, brother and I would be sitting on the coach watching them dance. I don't know what the other two were thinking, but I remember being a little steamed that we were being forced to watch the living room production while I was missing one of my favorite shows. Looking back, with a big smile on my face, and now that I am an adult, I would love to go back to just one of those Saturday nights. When I see the Welk's show on PBS, I can't help but think of my folks. I use to think that I was the only kid in the neighborhood who knew Benny Goodman's song, "In the Mood" and "Born to be Wild" by Steppenwolf.
A couple of months quickly went by...It was December. Most people are thinking about Christmas and all of the events surrounding one of the most holy of holidays.
The month brought my family and I closer to that penny. We know that there was no cure for Alzhiemers and that death was eminent, however; no one is prepared it. While Alzhiemers does affect a persons mental health, it can eventually cause some related physical problems. And that is just what happened to mom.
I got a call one day from my sister. She said mom was getting sick, a cold she thought and had requested an ambulance to take her to the hospital to be checked out. It was there that mom was diagnosed with Pneumonia. It was less than a week before...Christmas.
I arrived at the Hospital right after she was admitted to a room. When I got there, my sister, her daughter, and my mom's physician were in the room. We were given the news we always expected to hear but are never prepared for. Mom was dying! And, to make such devastating news worse, there was a hugh snow-stormed headed our way and it was expected to hit right around Christmas day.
My sister and brother both have children. I am divorced but have no children. I had taken the week off from work due to my mother's illness. I told my sister that I would stay with mom while the two of them could spend time with their families. I remember thinking, “I wish I could give them more”, like reassure them that everything is going to be ok, but we knew better.
Two days before before Christmas...the storm hit. And what a storm it was. Even though I kept in-touch with the radio station, I do not remember the exact amount of snow, but it was more than a foot. As the weather got worse, so did my mom. I remember one night as I listened to her struggle just to breath. I could not stand to stay in the room and listen to her suffer so. She was conscious and her eyes were open but I wasn't sure if she could hear me or understand. The illness coupled with the pneumonia made things much worse.
I would sometimes leave the room and go around the corner at the end of the hallway to look out the window. It was there that I did a lot of praying. My faith has always reminded me that there is always hope. My mom is one of the people in my life who has nurtured my faith in God. When I was little, she sometimes would sing to me the song, “Count Your Blessings.”
Sitting at the hallway window, I watched a front-end loader clearing the heavy snow from Hospital Drive. I remember watching for what must have been a hour or so as the driver would drive up and down, back and forth making numerous passes across the snow covered roads. I was so emotionally drained from what was going on and could not stand to see my mom lingering and suffering. I thought to myself, “I wish I could be the driver of that snow plow, with the only care in the world which is to shovel show.” But then I realized that was such a selfish thought. If the driver of the plow and I switched places, he would be at his dying mother's bedside.
The next day, and just a couple of days before Christmas, I was sitting at my mom's bedside talking to her. It was all she could do to breath so I was doing all the talking. Sitting in my wheelchair, I was able to look at my mom in the eye since she was turned on her side. I said, “Mom, Christmas is just a couple of days away and it looks like it is really going to be a white Christmas, the biggest one I have ever seen. I then said, “mom, I love you.” At that moment she blinked her eyes and then closed them...she stopped breathing. I pushed the “call nurse” button and told them I needed them now. I think I even used the word “Stat” which I knew was a word they understood as “right now.” I then picked up my cell-phone and called both my sister and brother. I said, “She's going, get here now.” I remember a feeling I will never forget. I thought, I can not believe this is happening and right before my very eyes.” But at the same time a sense of calmness came over me. It may not have been too evident on the outside, but inside I kept feeling that I was not alone. Even when my sister and niece were the first to arrive, I still felt someone telling me that I was not alone. I know now what I really knew then, it was the holy spirit of God who was comforting me. The psalmist said, “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me.”(Holy Bible, NIV) The doctors and support staff came in and brought her back.
About an hour later the doctor on duty asked to meet with my sister and I. My brother had already returned to work as my sister and I were reluctant to meet with him. I think we knew what he wanted and did not want to discuss with him what we were going to be faced with next.
Our fears were right. He knew mom was very near leaving this world and wanted to discuss with us about signing a DNR- “Do Not Resuscitate” order. We discussed it for some time but then agreed. Actually, it was my poor sister who ended up signing the order as they just needed one signature. I am sure she would have preferred to sign just about anything else but that order. But my sister had worked in nursing homes and the hospital in the past and seemed to accepted as best she could what was happening to mom.....with a heavy heart. And, I know, a broken heart for sure.
Christmas Eve night was especially hard. I began asking for the respiratory therapist to come and give my mom breathing treatments, which seemed to help at first, but on the night before Christmas, the treatments did very little, if any good. As the therapist would give her the treatments we would look up at TV and watch the weatherman give the latest details on the severe weather outside. About an hour after they would leave, my mom would again struggle to breath.
The chairs in the rooms for patient's families to sleep in are quite big and somewhat comfortable. I remember staying up as long as I could. Hearing my mother's labored breathing was very difficult. I could only imagine what she was going through. I finally laid down about 4:am. I remember praying this prayer, “Lord I love you and trust you. I know you have everything under control. So, do what ever you have to do. But please don't let my mom suffer so.” I have been through a lot in life and my faith has sustained me and brought me through some tough times, but that was the hardest prayer I ever prayed. Somehow, probably in near exhaustion, I closed my eyes and feel asleep.
The next morning I was awakened by a noise. As I opened my eyes, I saw a nurse standing by her bed. Without thinking, I jumped up and exclaimed, “Is she gone?” For a few seconds I could not believe that I had let myself go to sleep and let my mom die all alone. The nurse, who also worked at the nursing home and knew mom, slowly turned and said, “No...but it won't be much longer.” I jumped in my wheelchair and went to mom's bedside. I do not remember saying anything, just looked in her eyes and prayed.
About an hour later another nurse came in and suggested I go down stairs to get some breakfast. She said the cafeteria would stop serving breakfast soon. I turned and looked at my mother and thought, “How can I leave her now, she would never leave me while I was in the hospital just to go and eat if I was this bad.” But the nurse reassured me that she would keep an eye on her and call me if anything changed. I think the nurse could tell I was exhausted and needed to leave the room for a bit. I could hear my mom scolding me and tell me to go and get something to eat, so, reluctantly, I went.
There I was, just about the only one in the cafeteria, looking for breakfast as if nothing else was going on in my world. I still remember what I had, scrambled eggs, bacon, biscuit and gravy (which I really don't like) tomato and coffee. There were few people in the dinning room that day. As I sat by the window, I could hear people talking about the snow storm or what they would be doing later in the day with their families. I prayed and said, “You know something father, you have really created quite a unique world. Just two floors up, my mom is laying in her death bed, about to enter into your kingdom...soon, and here are people without a thought about why we truly celebrate this day or about their destiny with eternity.” As I sat there eating, some people would pass by and say, “Merry Christmas.” I would reply with the same wish as they knew nothing about what was going on inside of me or two floors up. I wanted to take my time and eat slow, I guess thinking that I would not have to face what I knew was happening around me. At the same time, I would find myself hurrying to get finished because I did not want my mom to be alone. She wasn't alone, though. I can imagine a host of heavenly angels ready for her special trip that was about to take place.
I finished my meal and headed up to the third floor. It was Christmas morning and I remember thinking that it was so odd to go from the cafeteria to my mom's room and not see a soul. Odd for any other morning, except...Christmas.
I went into the room and immediately saw my mom looking at me. She was still struggling to breath and sounded worse than when I left to go eat. Feeling helpless, I began to talk to mom in a normal way. I rolled up to her bed and told her that everyone was having Christmas with their children and families. I told her that the family would be coming by later and that we were all going to spend the day with her. I grabbed some clean clothes from my suitcase and went to the sink to wash-up and shave. I was sitting at her back when two nurses came in to turn her. She was supposed to be turned every few hours but the nurses forgot and apologized about being late. As I look back, their timing was perfect. Thinking that my mom's condition had worsened so it was probably not really that important, I told them that it was just that one time and not to worry. I finished shaving and put on my shirt. I then rolled around to my mom's side of the bed to talk to her some more. I said, “Mom I love you." We have got a really awesome white Christmas...you should see the snow outside.” I continued to tell her that my sister and brother were coming over later, along with their families (her grand children and great grandchildren) and that we were all going to be together later that day. I said “Mom, it is a beautiful day outside...Mom..I love you.” At that moment she closed her eyes and stopped breathing. Again, just like before, I hit the “call nurse” button and asked for help. And, just like I did two days before, I called my siblings and told them, once again, she was going and to get up there. My sister lived less than two miles away. My brother lived on the other-side of town and was hampered from getting to the hospital due to a vehicle stuck in the snow and blocking his only exit.
As the doctors and medical staff began working on my mom, the doctor told them to stop because of the DNR. That angered me a great deal. I reminded the doctor that I had agreed to the DNR two days ago, but only on the condition that they keep my mom alive until my family arrived. I did not want my mom to go without both my brother and sister there to see her too. After a very stern reminder on my part, the doctor agreed and told the RN on duty to go ahead and start CPR. Again, just like before, they brought her back. But this time, it would not be for long.
Finally my sister and her daughter arrived. Soon my brother, and his family were on their way as was my other niece and family members. Finally, all together, we circled her bed, held hands and started singing “Silent Night” (Mohr, Gruber, 1818) and 'Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus”(Lemmel, 1922).
We started telling her that we loved her and would miss her, and that we would see her again. For a Christian, death of another Christian is not a day of good-by. God's word tells us we will see each other again in Heaven someday, when death will not separate us any longer.
While we were singing, my sister said, “look...a tear.” A single tear began rolling down my mother's left cheek. We all seemed to feel that mom understood what was happening and would miss us just as much. The hospital staff were kind to let us have all the time we needed to spend with my mom to say so-long. Others from the family began showing up and giving us comfort.
Later, it was time to go. It had been such an emotional time at the hospital and so much had happened. Ultimately...my mother was gone. But, it was still Christmas day.
As we began to leave the room, I turned and looked back at mom. I knew her body was just a shell now. An earthly body that had ended it's usefulness here on earth. But what a wonderful life God had given her...and to us, her children, through her.
I began to feel a little joy and a bit of excitement! I began to wonder just want was happening to her at that very moment. I thought to myself, “What must it be like for my mom to enter into heaven..what are these first few moments like for her?” That was Saturday morning, December 25, 2004. My mom went home for Christmas.
The family had come together for the funeral as all the arrangements were made. We shared the time together loving and supporting each other as we always had before as a family.
And now, to the main part of this story...The Penny.
Two weeks later, another Saturday, it was my nephew, Ryan's birthday. Mom's first great-grandson. I sat up on the side of the bed and began to stretch, as I always do. I then reached over to grab my pillow to fluff it up when I noticed something dark just underneath it. I thought, “Now what? Don't tell me that I have bugs in the house.” As I turned to look to see what it was, I was quickly reminded of my conversation with my mom back in the nursing home, just three months earlier. The conversation about the favorite song my mom and dad danced too. The song about...the penny. As I looked down on the bed, I could not believe my eyes. It was a single...penny. I had been laying on it during the night. Logic tells me that the penny had to come from somewhere, faith tells me from where it came. I froze and could not believe my eyes. “A penny....A penny” I said. I just sat there thinking about mom and about what she could be doing in heaven at about that time. Since there is no measurement of time in heaven, her arrival there must have seemed like she has just arrived, even though here on earth, it was two weeks later. The rest of the day I could not stop thinking about that penny and the conversation I had with my mom.
Ryan's birthday party was with family and his school friends, at the local skating rink. As I arrived there was loud music, screaming kids and screaming parents trying to be heard over their screaming kids. But I was completely oblivious to my entire surroundings. I just kept talking to the Lord in meditation and thinking, "I wonder what is going on in heaven right now." I kind of chuckled when I pictured my mom and dad in heaven, in front of God and the entire heavenly host, dancing to the song, “Penny's from Heaven.”(Burke-Johnston, 1936). And, who knows, if Bing Crosby is in heaven, maybe he was singing the song just for them, instead of a big band playing the tune.
Today I have found a penny at various times and at a time when it seems I need divine intervention. A special message or visit from Heaven. I can have something on my mind and be seeking God's wisdom or contemplating a big decision that I am about to make, when all of the sudden, I find a penny at what seems to be at the right time and in the most unusual places. My sister has even told me that she has found a penny near our parents grave during her visits.
Hebrews 13:2 tells us that there are times when we may entertain angels, unaware. Sometimes I wonder if these angels have been special messengers sent to deliver...a penny.
This story is not meant to create sympathy or pity for my family and I, but to encourage and up-lift those who read this story. Christmas is a time of celebration and a time of love, hope and erternity.
They say the holidays can be a hard time for some...emotionally. Certainly the hustle of trying to buy Christmas presents, organize party's, get the whole family together, and just get ready for the holidays can be...in itself...stressful. But, there is a special message that is more important than all of that. A message of love...of hope...of a future. The love of God as he sent his son as a gift to us...all of us...and yes, you too. The hope for those who will turn their lives over to Jesus, the Son of God, and accept him as Lord and savior of their lives. And, the future...our heavenly home. Eternal life.
Certainly, Christmas has a different affect on my family and I, now. We can no longer celebrate Christmas without thinking about that special day, Dec. 25, 2004. That was the day that my mom received her very special Christmas gift...a trip home. We do not grieve or wish that she could come back to us, and especially as ill as she was. Instead, we celebrate her home. My family and I are reminded every Christmas just what this special day really means. A gift of love and celebration home. And...a penny.
1 comment:
i remember that snowstorm, i think it was the year i moved there. we managed to get to walmart christmas eve and the snow was piled several feet high by the snowplows in the sides of the road, higher then our car.
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